CEM writes:
“… This trip was then followed by a pair of visits to the doctor’s office. One of my doctors has decided that all of my problems will go away if I just have a baby. A baby would make [me] happy. (I think this very odd. This is not the first time I have been told this, and it’s always by people who know me a bit, but not well. Sometimes I wonder if they know something I don’t. Then, I see a baby… It doesn’t matter how fresh, and I think to myself, “Oh, it’s a baby. Yeah, the only thing it’s got goin’ for it is that it’s small.” Then, I start wondering what’s wrong with me. My biological clock should go boink any moment now … I should suffer from baby lust, but if I do, it’s brief and intermittent).
Personally, I think it would be remarkably cruel to a child to raise them with the idea that Bah-no-theism is an acceptable religion, or, worse yet, that Bah-no actually has talent as a singer! Perhaps it’s also a factor that I realize I come up short in so many important areas, motherhood is just bound to be one of them … And I know that, as hope as I would, I will not find happiness in a baby’s eyes, or anyone else’s for that matter … I have to figure out how to find it in me.
Bingo! The doctor who told you that having a baby will make you happier should have his/her license taken away. That’s the worst possible advice to give someone who is suffering from depression, or whatever echelon of malaise or poor health you are experiencing right now. This is not intended for you because you don’t seem too keen on the prospect and have realized that self-esteem begins at home. It pains me, in general, to observe a woman who depends on externalities to make her whole. She reasons that marriage will make her feel better. Then, the purchase of a house and an SUV will make the gloom melt away. Following that, to have a baby, that will complete the couple’s lives and bring them closeness and a family. If she has a baby, she will now have someone who depends on her for life and unconditional love.
Babies aren’t tools of therapy, they are new humans that require a mother’s attention and love. One should have a baby because one is whole and wants to share her confidence and nurturing capabilities with a new human being. One cannot gain happiness solely from a little baby that needs love and guidance. What an onus to put on this child to be your provider of love and belonging! Get a dog or a cause and get it over with.
In truth, this phenomenon is what places expectations on kids from the moment they are born. ” This kid will be my –insert fantasy here–. This kid will grow up to be a doctor/lawyer/engineer and bring me pride. I will live through this child.” Live through yourself, and let the kid grow up to be what he/she wants to be.
If I were your doctor, I would have told you to get your thesis finished and finished well. I have a strong feeling that will increase your mental and physical wellbeing. You are strong and wise even if you don’t know it.
