Broken Drum

Still here.  Four months after leaving New Orleans for Ohio, a new house and a new job, I’ve learned that:

1) this modern life has way too much accompanying paperwork.  A word of advice: Do not move, buy a house and change your last name all at once.  Or you will find yourself on the phone practically screaming at a poor, put-upon airline customer service rep, “Are you telling me *Deep Breath* that you need a certified copy of my marriage license mailed to you in order to change the last name on my piddly frequent flier account, but all the bank needed was a copy of my driver’s license faxed to them? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THE STATE OF WISCONSIN CHARGES FOR THESE THINGS? *pant* *pant* *pant* ARE YOU INSAAAANE?”

1b) like some people in New Orleans, some people in Ohio don’t know that one can be born on foreign soil and become a United States citizen through this process known as nach-yoo-rull-izay-shun.  Ever heard of immigrants taking the oath and all that?  So, yeah, try getting a new social security card while biting your tongue so you don’t accidentally say, “No, they hand out American passports at the border like Halloween candy while dancing to It’s A Small Fraking World After All.  Congratulations, you made it over here, here’s your passport, some apple pie, a Cadillac and the deed to a new house in the suburbs!”

1c) Homecooked desi food is the best.  Rasam shaadam with green beans curry and paayasam is still my preferred death row meal.

(Courtesy TheeErin on Flickr)

2) it’s 30 miles to anywhere from my house in the country – Akron=30 miles, parents’ house=30 miles, Mansfield=30 miles, Canton=30 miles – and I know how far I am from my destination based on the barns and biblical signage.  My favorite so far is “Prepare To Meet Thy Maker” right before you hit Dalton pop. 1600.  Srsly, who wants to see that when decelerating from 65 to 0 on a downslope ahead of a stop light?

3) we get old and older.  First, my grandmother passed away.  Now, my mother has been diagnosed with a very rare muscle-degenerative disorder that is poorly understood in terms of research.  It’s not horrible like Parkinson’s and polymyositis, in which the patient loses motor control over a long period of time and wastes away quickly, respectively.  It does mean, however, that my mother has thighs that feel like lead weights, cannot walk very fast or far, finds standing, sitting, lying down or doing anything for long quite difficult and will have to use a walker and/or a wheelchair for travel and while navigating rough surfaces.  Falling down and breaking her hip or cracking her skull because of the lack of strength in her legs would be far worse than the condition itself.  There’s no real cure for this thing, and not much we can do other than tell her to take it easy and use a walker, but what otherwise still-able woman in her 60s wants to appear invalid?  It’s frustrating for the whole family, to say the least.

4) between now and December, I will travel to Chicago, Fort Collins, New Orleans, Cincinnati, New Mexico, Germany, San Antonio and Orlando.  Yes, lucky dog, which brings us to

5) today’s woman can only go so far on low-quality sleep, no exercise, two weeks a month without her husband and work-related travel each month.  Up until now, one mantra has motivated me and that is, “Quit whining.  You have a good job and a nice house while so many don’t have both.  Now get your growing behind back to work.”  Yes, work is tremendously interesting with cool, new opportunities coming my way almost everyday and the house is a peaceful sanctuary, very close to becoming a home.  But, I have reached the point where I am so tired that work, home, visiting family and socializing (what bit of it I can squeeze in) all seem like work.  And that is not good.  Not good at all.

It would be easy for me to go home this evening, throw some clothes in the washer, heat up some leftover Indian food, plop down on the couch to hardly watch crap television because I’m busy crying into the remote control over how unfit I’ve become since leaving New Orleans.  But you know what?  I’m going to the gym.  And then I’m going to take a hot shower.  Following that, I am going to have a long phone conversation with my girl Julie.  And then I’m going to sleep.  Sorry, Bender, our date tonight is off.

Oh.  And I’m buying a piano.  No, not tonight.  More on that later.