The only thing my father-in-law and I have in common, besides pushing each other’s political hot buttons and loving D, is a penchant for horrible jokes. And reciting them over and over again. In fact, we even have the same favorite joke. And recite it over and over again. Sad, I know.
D reminded me this morning that I missed sinking da mayo on Cinco De Mayo. It’s never too late and, I don’t care if you’ve heard it a million times (and groan each time), it’s still a good one.
… most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellman’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. The “Titanic” was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after New York City.
The Mexican people were eagerly awaiting delivery and were disconsolate at the loss. So much so that they declared a national day of mourning which they still observe today. It is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.
Thank you, I”ll be here all day. Try the chana masala!
Update: Please feel free to leave your favorite goofy joke in the comments. I need new ones for the old man.
My favorite snail joke:
A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.
He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field.
Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat.
The snail looks up and says, “What the fuck was that all about?”
What do you call stolen cheese? Nacho cheese!
Mickey Mouse is talking to a marriage counselor about some troubles he’s having with Minnie. The counselor gives Mickey an update after a separate session with Minnie.
Counselor: “I’ve spoken with your wife and see no evidence that she is crazy.”
[read punchline in your best Mickey Mouse voice]
Mickey: “I didn’t say she was crazy. I said she was fucking Goofy.”
What’s green and hangs from trees?
Giraffe snot!
Aaaaaaaand…..
An elderly man, speaking to his daughter, is telling her how he feels.
“Ever since I started taking that Vigoro, I can’t tell you how much better I feel. Like I’m ready to take on the world again! Such a great thing at my age, you know.”
“Uhh, dad,” the daughter says, “Dad, you must mean VIAGRA, because Vigoro is a type of fertilizer.”
“Oh,” the man says, and is suddenly lost in thought.
After a few minutes, he says,
“I guess that explains the berries.”
ROFL at all the jokes! Strangely, this is the first time am hearing the ones in comments, the mayo of course is good every single time. :)
My Dad loves this one. Mention any movie and my Dad will say, “Hey, have you seen that movie “Titanic”?” Most people will say yes, and then my Dad will say, “Well I haven’t, so DON’T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS.”