Take this quiz and send out your scores, people! You’ve got to beat my 156.
Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
A backward poet writes inverse.
A man’s home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating – always use a condiment.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two tired.
What’s the definition of a will? (It’s a dead giveaway.)
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
In democracy your vote counts. In feudalism your count votes.
She was engaged to a boyfriend with a wooden leg but she broke it off.
A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
You feel stuck with your debt if you can’t budge it.
Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under.
He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
Every calendar’s days are numbered.
Nearly all money is tainted – It taint yours and it taint mine.
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
A plateau is a high form of flattery.
A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is … a small medium at large.
Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
Once you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amahl.
Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
Santa’s helpers are subordinate clauses.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
I LOVE the original Cat In The Hat by Dr. Seuss, not this “Nathan Lane doing Snagglepuss” abomination that sells more Burger King and Pepsi products than the actual books. Mike Myers is better than this. It’s all about the money.
From MSH:
I will not watch it on TV,
I will not watch on DVD.
I will not watch on VHS,
I will not watch on CBS.
I will not watch it in a car,
I will not watch it in a bar.
I will not watch it with my dad,
I will not watch it when I’m sad.
I will not watch it in my bed,
I will not watch with my friend Fred.
I will not watch it on a box,
I will not watch it shown on FOX.
I will not watch it on a table,
I will not watch when it’s on cable.
I will not watch it in a chair,
I will not watch it anywhere.
I wish I had not paid those eight bucks,
Because this movie really totally sucks.
My little ode to the movie (performed with nasal Canuck accent):
Heavens to Murgatroid! What a ruckus!
Seems we have an exploitative impostor among us.
What I thought was The Cat In The Hat on the tube
Was really Myers channeling Dame Edna (the boob)
More insults from MSH:
Most of the scenes I’ve seen,
Viewed in the previews, I mean,
Weren’t just bad, they were rotten,
But that’s just the first image I’ve gotten.
Some were good,
But all should
Next time maybe,
Knock on wood.
More than Whoppers and Pepsi, they also
have them for Target, Mastercard, and even more.
So that makes the furlined he just ready to give and to get
That Oscar (R) for playing a whore.
You have to watch this because it is HILARIOUS!!!
To view this, you need: Flash 6, sound, and if you’re at work, a boss that won’t mind if you wet yourself from laughing so hard. This is the greatest thing you will see in a while.
To a friend who produces audio theatre and wanted to hear my opinion on Louisiana’s first female governor:
Sorry to hear about NPR Playhouse being shitcanned (yes, the sophistication of vocabulary is directly proportional to brain function on a Monday morning). Is there any other way to get your works promoted/played on NPR? Bloody political priorities.
Speaking of politics, I didn’t participate in this last Louisana gubernatorial because I like to vote for people I believe in and not against someone (except when it comes to Bush – I consider it my patriotic duty to vote for anyone who stands against that dolt). That said, torn between voting for a woman with Democrat principles and a Republican Indian-American man, with Catholic reformist ideas, is not a good place to be, either. Hence, I opted out. I think it’s great we have our first female governor. But, it’s Louisiana, the state where ‘corruption’ and ‘stagnation’ are synonyms for political operation. Do I think there will be change? Only time will tell.
From Unrest In Iraq – What Do You Think?
Violence against American troops in Iraq surged last week, with attacks killing dozens. What do you think?
Geraldine Bates, Telemarketer “All I know is, if the Iraqis had invaded our country, we’d be acting a lot nicer to them than they are to us.”
Molly Chandler, Dental Hygienist “My cousin is in the Army, and he said that the Iraqis want us there. So I can’t really figure out why they shot him.”
Arthur Serra, Pharmacist “I wish the media were more conservative, so we wouldn’t have to hear about these things.”
Nicholas Hoyt, CFO “In concentrating on Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction, we forgot about their weapons of one teeny little bit of destruction at a time.”
Brian Purdey, Student “Why would the Iraqis bomb their own country? That’s like shitting in your kitchen sink – good for emergencies, but not a great idea overall.”
Frank Demoss, Systems Analyst “The G.I. deaths are tragic and alarming, but the fact that even more Iraqis are dying should provide some consolation.”
Help Oiled Birds
Please help some innocent living things by supporting the efforts of The International Bird Rescue Center in locating, rescuing, and cleaning wildlife affected by the ongoing oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico. Click on the pelican to donate.
