Responding to critics who have reports that he is a high rolling gambler, William Bennett has responded that it’s a private matter. “That’s the difference between the Republicans and the Democrats,” Jay Leno commented. “The Democrats want to investigate your finances, but say that sex lives are private. The Republicans want to investigate your sex life, but say that finances are private.”

and … in case you missed this one …

Democrats warn that you will be screwed by the government!
Republicans make sure that you get screwed by the government!
Of course, the two parties disagree on the definition of both,
and thus this can be read inverting the parties with equal humor.

and

It’s impossible for any political party to fool all the people all of the time . . . that’s why we have TWO political parties!

The first letter to my new state government:

“As your constituent, I urge you to oppose any and all efforts by Attorney General John Ashcroft to pass his proposed Domestic Security Enhancement Act in Congress. I am deeply concerned that rather than passing this new Act – which would give new and even more controversial powers than the USA PATRIOT Act – Congress should instead investigate and oversee ways in which this Administration has already used or misused new powers.

“The gross violations of civil liberties that occur on a daily basis in this country do no citizen any good except for those seeking power at the expense of their people. With all this talk of precautions and war to secure the freedom that our forefathers gave us, why do we not want to see that the only true precaution and show of freedom is to support our Bill of Rights and openly and honestly enjoy our birthright?

“A Sikh store-owner is killed, non-white Americans and immigrants are harassed, Indian restaurants are mistakenly raided by members of the Homeland Security Department for fear of ‘suspicious activity,’ Japanese citizens studying in America are questioned about their affiliations, and American privacy is at an all-time minimum. Supporters of the Patriot Act state that a few have to be sacrificed for the good of the all. How does harassing law-abiding members of American society, be they brown, white, or black, support the good of the all? Especially as Louisianans, people with a great history of cultural intermingling, we ought not to support the singling out and terrorizing of people who do not ‘fit the mold.’ Not when our country was founded on breaking that mold.

“If the keepers of our government do not understand the changing complexion of America – the differences between Cajun and Creole, black and white, Hindu and Muslim, Arab and Indian, Japanese student and terrorist – there will be no justice and no freedom. This country will turn to the abolition of constitutional rights and to racist xenophobia in its irrational, self-defensive haste. Such a future is not science-fiction, it is all too possible. It is already happening. To avoid that end, please see this predicament through and help our country live up to the freedom and bravery of which it is capable.

“Having to give up our freedoms in order to secure the very same freedoms is a contradiction in terms; it is a nonsensical subterfuge and ought not to be tolerated.

“Be a real American … please support your bill of rights.

“Sincerely, etc.”