The Lone SysAdmin, his lovely new fiancee, D and I were lounging in my living room last weekend.

When I stumbled on a laptop and the realization that there were at least two computers per nerd in the room, not counting smartphones.

It was, of course, the perfect opportunity for another episode of Interpretive Dance And Classic Cinema Reenactments With Inanimate Objects.

***

The opening strains of Also Sprach Zarathustra are heard in the background. At the end of the song there is general merriment. The narrator steps forward.

"Behold, a herd of wild Dells! How they graze whilst showing off their iconic plumage."

"How they have gained self-recognition and hold hands and sing."

The lights suddenly dim. And then the Lone SA drops his new iPad right in the middle of the circle saying, “Bam, now the lowly primates have something to worship.”

"What is this foreboding and mysterious monolith?"

Things begin to get ugly. The mood is tenser than a moose’s butt in fly season. Hurtful epithets are thrown. The iPad is physically removed before the Dells move in and someone loses an app.

Peace and love (and my coffee table) are restored to the living room floor. The end.

My mother and I recently watched The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button together. Towards the end of the film, with the winds and rains of Hurricane Katrina threatening to break in the windows of a New Orleans hospital room in which her old mother lies dying, Julia Ormond’s Caroline discovers that Benjamin Button was her father. As Caroline goes through birthday cards from her dad, ones she has never seen until August 29th 2005, it all becomes too much to bear. Even while growing backwards and getting younger, death waited for Benjamin Button, as it did for Caroline’s mother and thousands of New Orleanians that fateful day. Why are we given so much life and story only for it to be taken away?

She left us one year ago today. I would give anything to kiss her cheek one more time. To inhale that smell again as lips touch soft, warm skin. To watch her rail-thin hand sweep over the folds of her beautiful sari after I’ve scrunched it to kiss her. All I have left now is the honor of having known her.

No, that’s not all that remains. This does.

The Making Of Mardi Gras Day Mask 2010

My grandmother had a very full life in which she realized much. If I have a regret for her, it is that she was not costumer and set decorator to the stars. With the freedom she had, however, Patti costumed us (often with no reason – “the idea came to me”) and decorated our homes for religious functions, and did it all with little more than leftover scraps and household objects. Only she could turn the cardboard inside paper towel rolls into replicas of royal chariots and incorporate any construction item you gave her into an heirloom-quality decoration. Room dividers, diadems, spears, belts, portraits, sculptures of gods, all you had to do was ask for it and she would find a way to make it. And she loved sequins, glitter and the color green.

Each year, and I like to think living in New Orleans brought out my grandmother’s creativity in me, I make a Mardi Gras Day mask from scratch. This year’s mask, the one you see above, was dedicated to her. Patti would love for me to share with you how to make one of your own. It’s quite simple, actually.

1) MASK BASE: Purchase a Phantom of the Opera mask base or cut out the pattern from a plain plastic mask.

The Making Of Mardi Gras Day Mask 2010

2) FABRIC COVER: Glue and staple textured satin onto the mask, as shown on right. Make sure the satin is a) the same color as the glitter you will put over it and b) rough in order for the glitter to adhere to the fabric. Given that the mask has topography, you will have to cut out excess satin at the folds. In this case, I cut out material that would go under the gold cord. Use any remaining strips of satin to paste over the staples’ prongs in the back. (Then again, if you scratch up your face like that, you have a mask to put over it). Carefully drill or poke holes in the nostrils of the mask so you can breathe while wearing it (details).

3) CORDS & RIBBONS: Fasten any extra embellishments, e.g. cords, buttons, feathers, sequins, to the mask before applying the glitter. (It’s really hard to get anything to stick to glitter other than more glitter.) Also, at this time, staple on the ribbons that will secure the mask to your head. Pick points on the mask that will allow the ribbons to encircle your head and securely. Don’t worry about any ribbon showing on the front of the mask because you will apply glitter over it.

The Making Of Mardi Gras Day Mask 20104) GLUE THAT GLITTER ON: Aleene’s Tacky Glue is your friend. I own enough bottles of this gummy goodness to glue a whole big parade float together. It goes on white, but dries clear, so if you mistakenly get it all over parts of your project for which you didn’t intend it, wipe off the bulk of it and wait for the rest of it to dry. (Such things have never happened to me, of course.) With clean fan brushes of different sizes, apply glue to the fabric, one strip between cords at a time. Make the layer of glue thick enough to grab the glitter but not so thin that it catches nothing. As soon as you apply one layer of glue, tap a shaker of glitter onto the glue. Again, if you accidentally drop too much glitter on the glue, simply blow off the excess or lightly brush it onto unglittered areas. Allow it to dry for a few hours before applying the finishing touches. See picture on left for dried, glittered end product.

The Making Of Mardi Gras Day Mask 20105) ACCENTS: For this mask, I decided to add accents where the ribbons meet the mask. I bought two small wooden fleur-de-lis appliques (available at most craft stores), spray-painted them gold and attached them to the mask with velcro tape.

6) SEAL YOUR MASK: (Take the mask outside, place it on newspaper and) spray it down with glossy Clear Coat Sealant Spray. Allow it to dry for an hour or so and then spray it again. The fumes coming off the sealant can take down a full-grown Canadian elk, so I recommend keeping that mask somewhere dry and aerated until you wear it.

***

I wish Patti could have seen me in the mask on Mardi Gras Day. And the Krewe du Vieux Baron Samedi hat, which I will show you how to make later.

This life sucks for snatching away the ones we we love after giving us so much time in which to fall in love and grow closer. It is also an alarmingly beautiful thing for the relationships it fosters, the ones that make us and continue to define us from beyond. The masks and costumes sure don’t replace my grandma, but they help me feel very close to her, as I draw inspiration and comfort from wondering what fabric and colors she would have chosen. Through her artfulness, the world still gets to know my grandmother. And I get to know her more.

Congratulations to Clay and Candice, two of the smartest and sweetest New Orleans bloggers, who were married today.

I was there the evening they first met. *sniff* Ayushman Bhava, you two!

Rising Tide 3 Pre-Party

I made peace with her mortality, so the only regret I have about my grandma no longer being here is not being able to make a Carnival mask with her.  I’ve mentioned that she was an artist in found objects.  Hindu- and Indian-themed dioramas, wall hangings and decorative room partitions with strips of shiny and colorful cloth, cardboard and glitter, they all came from that head and tiny body.  What I didn’t tell you is that my grandma loved sequins. I mean, LOVED them!  So much so that my otherwise proper mother and her siblings sprinkled sequins on Patti’s sari during her wake.  And laughed when they showed up in her ashes and again in the water collected from the Mohican River where those ashes were dissolved and dispersed.  You know how happy and carefree you feel when you see a sequin?  Maybe that was Patti telling us to chill, take a load off.

When I moved to Ohio in March, Patti and I decided to make a carnival mask together that I would wear in New Orleans on Mardi Gras Day 2010.  Now, I am going to have to make it myself and hope it comes a country mile within the pattern, colors and charms she would have picked for it.  This one’s for you, Patti, wish me luck.

Folks, this year, do everything you’ve wanted to do with someone before it’s too late and they’re gone.  This Mardi Gras, go all out, make the coolest and loudest costume your creativity can muster and wear it proud, before it’s too late and you’re gone.  Eat every piece of king cake, catch every bead, glue every bead, sew every sequin and live and love every minute of it all.  Just roll in the glitter of life. And why not?  It’s Carnival Time, y’all!

It’s as good a time as any to take stock.  Thought the 1990s was a crazy decade for me.  Guess I’m prone to crazy decades.

2000 – Met D and his family and friends, now my family and friends. Learned that the American electoral process isn’t all that it’s cut out to be.  Found academia can be as wretched a hive of scum and villainy as industry; the only difference is the amount of money being fought over.

2001 – Met George Cramer, one of the two best teachers I’ve had the good fortune to learn from. Rediscovered 1990′s PTSD on September 11th, 2001. Learned a lot about America in the wake of that day, while America learned about the rest of the world.

2002 – Found C programming. Lost sleep.

2003 – Moved to New Orleans. Met Krewe du Vieux, Fahy’s, Wisconsin alumni and all of my former co-workers, many of whom are good friends to this day. Found some folks can’t tell the difference between Iraq and Iran, much less between Arabs.  Visited Jamaica, the Netherlands, Belgium, France, Germany, England and Spain.

2004 – “Met” Sepia Mutiny and the brown blogosphere after amping up the blog and practically doubled my contacts list; some are now part of my virtual extended family. Lost George Cramer.  Visited the Netherlands again and Ireland.

Maitri-volution In The 2000s

2005 – Lost New Orleans on August 29th, 2005 and much confidence in American infrastructure and government. Lost my mother-in-law and uncle to cancer in short order soon after. Found who our real friends are and that the kindness of strangers beats the faux sincerity of known parties any day. Also found insomnia.

2006 – Found New Orleans again. Met a giant gumbo pot of New Orleans bloggers and geeks online and then in person on moving back in time for Mardi Gras. Found love doesn’t know boundaries, distance and time, and that gutting homes is hard on the back and heart.  Lost my paternal grandmother, the inspiration for VatulNet.

2007 – Married D in smallest Hindu-Indian ceremony known to mankind. Marched on City Hall to protest ridiculous rise in crime rate. Found Treasurer of Krewe du Vieux is my dream job, if only it paid.  Lost my aunt to cancer. Traveled once again to the Netherlands. Found the real meaning of “automotive shock absorption” on emerging unscathed from a rather scary car wreck.

2008 – Stood at Lambeau Field as the Packers won the Snow Bowl.  Lost Ashley Morris.  Found more wonderful New Orleanians and an intense dislike of city government and NOPD leadership. Helped elect Barack Hussein Obama II president of the USA.  Met a number of Indian bloggers after the terrorist attacks on Mumbai.  Traveled back to Jamaica.

2009 – Moved to Ohio to be closer to my family. Lost my beloved maternal grandmother shortly thereafter and still cry about it. Found some members of my extended family are actually pretty cool. Found the interiors of many, many airports. Met Thomas Hoffmann in Germany. Rediscovered the lost art of shoveling and driving in midwestern winters.

My hope for the 10s is meeting more good people, travel to great new places and your good health and safety.  Salut!

From dinosaur to dinner. How the mighty have fallen. (Photo by deedoucette)

Folse writes the long, reflective, annual post about selective culture straddling and syncretism in modern-day America so I don’t have to.

My wife takes the whole thing a bit more seriously, will brook no discussion of the Pilgrims as an American proto-Taliban and insist someone Say Grace. It will likely fall to me, who has no use for modern Christianity in any flavor and who is hosting an old friend who is a devout Pagan, to come up with some suitable words.

… Reading the paper lately makes the entire idea of thankful a bit challenging until I remember those ne’er-do-well Protestants – sitting in their little stockade, in a place as alien as any distant planet, starving their way into winter – managed to have themselves a good time, after their fashion. Still, the challenges of living in New Orleans gives me pause when I stop to rehearse my thankful list.

So, too, this post was poised to turn into paragraphs and eye rolls about the cultural shades of grey in which the only carnivore in her orthodox-vegetarian-Hindu family prepares to host The Third Annual Real Turkey, Bacon Stuffing, Made-From-Scratch Cranberry Relish, Red Wine and Honest-To-Goodness Pumpkin Pie ExtravaganzaTM to which are invited Catholic, Protestant and irreligious friends from Wisconsin who had might as well be family.  How I am very much Hindu but will invite a friend’s mother to Say Grace in my home because it only feels right.  How thankful I am to have many families, not just the ones I was born and married into – in Ohio, Wisconsin, New Orleans, India – who treat me as a sister, a daughter.  How simultaneously lonely and embraced I feel to be this cultural pivot: a product of millenia of pure-breeding (more or less) who has no hold on one, traditional identity but is a walking troupe of the conventions, languages, thoughts, values and pathologies of encountered people and places.  How I ponder whether it is normal (or, at least, not cause to internally strain) to have these parallel, compartmentalized lives that seldom overlap due to the constraints of space, time and culture.

indian-space-turkey

Oh, don’t you worry, I’ve subjected you to weeks of a witty statement relating to these sentiments.  It’s the banner above, which none of you took a stab at.  *pouts*  In front of a globe (because I’m a geo-nerd) positioned to show Europe in the east and America in the west, a lone Indian eats turkey with a bunch of white folks.  Think about it, for if I have to explain further, we’re both in trouble.  Behind the globe, a large, glowing Space Turkey comes in to dock (because I’m a sci-fi nerd as well).  In the upcoming battle, will we eat the turkey?  Or will the turkey eat us?

Still, like Folse, the challenges of living in this nation give me pause.  As my big, fat turkey brines and prepares to enter a warm oven, there are more and more Americans, especially in the South but even in this Yankee state of Ohio, who have nothing to eat.  From The Philadelphia Inquirer:

49 million people – 17 million of them children – last year [were] unable to consistently get enough food to eat, according to a report released … by the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

… Of those 49 million, 12 million adults and 5.2 million children reported experiencing the country’s most severe hunger, possibly going days without eating. Among the children, nearly half a million in the developmentally critical years under age 6 were going hungry. That’s three times the number in 2006.

If that isn’t enough, as we look forward to sink into our sofas, loosen our belts and watch that Thursday football game, our president is ordering more young Americans into a bloody imperial war zone.  How do you think those women and men and their families feel?  It seems we as a nation can’t afford much, but we can still give and give love, support, our humanity.

After you’re done with tomorrow’s meal, especially when feeling the inevitable guilt of having eaten so much, attack your closet, pantry and storage.  Pull out all of the clothes, coats and shoes you’ve never worn or will never wear again and those cans of soup and vegetables you keep promising you’ll eat.  Take them down to the closest shelter or food bank.  When you shop on Friday or this weekend, please drop cash in the Salvation Army buckets whenever possible and buy a toy or a book for your local Toys For Tots Christmas program.  Please write a check to that person in your neighborhood or workplace who is collecting non-perishable food and supplies for our soldiers.  Tomorrow is also the first anniversary of the horrific attacks on Mumbai.  Many in India can use our help, too.

If you can read this, anywhere on this globe, you obviously have internet access: do a search for any local, trustworthy charity and give.  Be it through your place of worship, bank or library, give.  Give whenever you can, how ever much you can, but please just give.  Where we want, they need.  Where we are doing badly, they are doing worse. Give.

After you’ve given, volunteer.  Teach.

I give thanks to Rama, Lakshma, Jesus, Allah, Odin, Ashe, the almighty FSM, any and every guiding spirit that my husband and I can put hearty and spicy food on our plates, have good friends who will eat it and can give.  If this is where my travels and experiences have brought me, if this is my disparate, diverse, “confused” identity, so be it.  I can’t ask for more.