It Snows Up Here. My Husband And I Have Conversations.

@maitri: The roads are slick up here in northeast Ohio. Lots of cars where they shouldn’t be. To think D scoffed at my 4WD vehicle.

I have no problem with snow. It’s only when it sneaks up on me while I am ill-equipped to deal that snow and I have words. Last night, Ms. No Hat And “Fashion” Boots here walked out into slick, snowy, did I mention slick northeast Ohio. Behold.

That’s what it looked like out there. Yup, all blurry like that, because when it gets cold and dry outside, the contact lens in my gimpy left eye decides to act up, which defeats the whole purpose of ditching glasses that fog up in lieu of contact lenses, innit? Achilles had his heel. My mother forgot to dunk my left eye in the Styx. Probably didn’t want to have to deal with any obviously impending infection. Dettol, take her away.

All wheel drive, not 4-wheel drive, D corrected as we inched towards the grocery store. “You don’t need all-wheel drive to drive in weather like this. You can have one-wheel drive and just drive real slow, like you’re supposed to anyway.” Ok, fair enough, but then, in these moments of Northwoods he-manhood, D goes on and on and rips off his shirt to reveal a big glowing W and launches into, “I’m from northern Wisconsin, where the only time I’ve run off the road and into a snow bank in my little, piece of shit, rear wheel drive car is when I was doing 65 and hit the brakes.”

Me: “What did you do that for?”

D: “For fun.”

Me: “How did you get your car out?”

D: “Leave it there or call Tom McDonald to come pull me out.”

Back in those days when they didn’t have cellphones, this means that he would have to get out of the car, bundle up like Randy from A Christmas Story (yeah, “my kid brother looked like a kid about to pop!” Randy) and trudge through the snow uphill both ways to the nearest friend’s house and use their phone. Not like my cellphone works in 90% of this godforsaken county, but I’ll take my chances with the 2000s, thanks.

Seasons Greetings! beamed down from the front of the grocery store as we drove into its mess of a parking lot.

D: “Expectant Mother parking. What a load of shit. What’s next? Chimps With Limps parking?”

Me: “That is SO rude. Pregnant women need every break they can get. You don’t know what it feels like to carry a big, squirmy, frontal weight along with your fat ass for nine months.” (Neither do I, but I’m not the one in fascist opposition to simple concessions made for someone with a bun in the oven. Hell, had I been D’s mom and given his birth weight, I’d have demanded parking inside the store.)

D: “I sure do. I’ve had one for fifteen years. Where’s my break?”

Me: “Well, if you slip and fall while crossing the trans-Siberian parking lot, your fabulous beer gut isn’t going to get hurt.”

Just then, a sound descended upon us like a thousand broken trumpets heralding the arrival of a lesser angel. Great, I thought, it’s end days and God said, “Hey, Yomvael or Kawkabel, what say one of you runs on ahead and takes care of northeast Ohio? Gabriel will bat cleanup later when he’s done filing the Armageddon Phase I project plan and budget with me.” But, no, it wasn’t junior flunkie nephilim, but a flock of Canadian geese jetting southward with a startled urgency that can only be likened to the look on Admiral Ackbar’s face timbre of Admiral Ackbar’s voice when he realized It’s A Trap! Poor geese, the wind blew so hard they couldn’t even stay in their consummate V. Vaya con dios, save a margarita for me.

I’m not one to let things go. It’s not that I don’t want to, but much like an ancient, rusted bear trap, I can’t. “So, you’re saying pregnant women shouldn’t be given special consideration. They shouldn’t be able to park close by like the handicapped.”

D: “No. What? Can we just buy our groceries and get out of here?”

Me: “Wait, did I just refer to pregnant women as handicapped?”

D: “Look. Handicapped parking. Senior citizen parking. Expectant mother parking. Chimps with limps parking. Where’s the line? Anyone can fake a limp. Soon, you’re going to have chimps all over the place saying, ‘I can fake a limp like a pro. Look at me. I’m like John Wayne with a load in his pants.’ Where’s the line?”

Me (squealing with laughter while imagining a chimp in a cowboy outfit dragging his fake broken leg across the saloon floor): “You’re just awful.”

Our conversations never end. They simply end up like this.

College Football, Academic Integrity, Football, Integrity

Scene from Sugar Bowl 2011 pre-game festivities in New Orleans: Spot the fake Buckeye (hint: it's my friend on the far right).

Back in the year 2000, in that Paleozoic miasma when the internet first went mainstream, a new menace arose to occupy us overworked and underpaid graduate teaching assistants: easy, cut-and paste plagiarism. If memory serves, we caught a few stars of the university’s football team in the act and waited for a) the department and a dean or two to enact UWS 14 on the offenders and b) the smoldering hatred of the rest of the players and their ardent fan base. Nothing happened. Unless a slap on the wrist and us being told in many words that the money Athletic Dept. brings in to the university outweighs academic integrity is grueling punishment.

As a teacher and a fan, I loved these kids. But, I could only wonder what some of them would do with their lives once they did not hit the big time on graduating. Insurance sales isn’t so forgiving.

So, Ohio State, I’m sorry THE, AS OPPOSED TO ALL OTHER OHIO STATE, Ohio State University plays Arkansas tonight in the Sugar Bowl. The smack talk has begun ahead of another “sure Big Ten loss.” As I said after TCU beat Wisconsin in the Rose Bowl this past weekend, private TCU’s football budget is a scant $2 million less than state-university ours, we have the better marching band and Madison may be godless but we sure are literate. That last blow was a tad low, I admit, but I’m not from the school with a Pokemon for a mascot. Great horny toad, special attack!

If you’re still reading this, it probably means you (are bored and) have more than a passing interest in football. Then, you’re aware that five Ohio State football players have been suspended the first five games of next season for selling their own stuff. Wow, what a mess on so many counts.

To the NCAA:

1) Players should be able to do what they want with their possessions.
2) Good grief, are you inconsistent with how you apply the rules. All I hear is, “You’re suspended, but wait wait wait, not until you play in the Sugar Bowl. And this isn’t how we treated other cases but what the hell.”
3) They’re kids. Kids playing football for free and with hopes of making the pros, when they should be studying more. You call 1.65 to 2.0 GPAs that drugged goats could keep an eligibility requirement? (We’ll get back to this. Oh yes we will.)
4) All so you can make millions, greedies.

To the players:

1) Don’t give me that “I didn’t know I couldn’t sell my stuff” crap. Player misconduct is not worth it, and many Division 1-A athletic departments walk around bellowing to you guys what you can and cannot do. If you didn’t hear it from Tressel (because he was off somewhere ensuring the finer terms of his own career furthering), you heard it from someone else.
2) You see your fellow players doing what you did? Why do you think that is? And what makes you five so special?
3) Maybe the rules are dumb, but no matter what, you broke them. That’s what it comes down to.

The same semester as the plagiarism almost-debacle, I told my students this, “I don’t want you to learn geology. I want you to learn how to learn science. Or anything, for that matter.” A whole load of us are not athletes and cannot even dream of being Terrelle Pryor, much less LeBron James. We, too, go through school broke-ass but with no jerseys and rings to sell, in the hopes that our degrees will get us more than nugget squishing duty at McDonald’s, not probable entry to multi-million-dollar pro contracts. Student athletes have that going for them.

But, what of the athlete who doesn’t make the professional cut? What is he going to do with that 2.0 GPA and degree in communications? That’s why I wanted them to learn how to learn, just for that situation. Sure, there is plenty of room in corporate America for “creative” rule-breakers, but Ohio State’s five broke the cardinal rule of that game: Don’t get caught. That means you’re just dumb enough to make scapegoat. And, even if the kid goes pro, what are the odds he makes it through to retirement and sportscasterhood having invested wisely, not selling his Superbowl ring at the local pawn shop to make rent and, most important of all, with his spine and other vital body parts intact? Remember what that Chicago Bear and wise investor Walter Payton once said, “Tomorrow is promised to no one.”

Football is football. It isn’t life, except for a certain cream of the crop and they, too, need a backup plan. It isn’t going to put food on the table, educate and clothe your kids, pay the mortgage, build schools, hospitals and levees and bring about world peace and harmony. [Unless we get our enemies into football and they huddle with us around the gridiron, beer and bacon cheeseburger in hand ... wait, nope, oh well.] Real life and its continued existence requires doing things right, with integrity. Barring that, don’t get busted. If you lack the sense for either, and I say this with love, good luck. You’re going to need it when you walk into that job interview and the rest of your life.

2010 In Travel Photographs

Krewe De C.R.A.P.S. Second Line

JANUARY - Krewe du Vieux was All Fired Up!

Bacchus XLII Drew Brees

FEBRUARY - The New Orleans Saints won SuperBowl XLIV which made QB Drew Brees our Bacchus XLII. All hail!

Billiards 2.0

MARCH - Attended my second Where2.0 conference in San Jose, CA, where I did not play pool with OpenStreetMap founder, Steve Coast.

Wisconsin Meteorite

APRIL - In Madison, WI for the Department of Geoscience Alumni Board meeting. Of great interest then was the meteorite that had just landed in southwest Wisconsin and a sample that the UW Geology Museum obtained. The BP oil spill had also just begun.

MAY - Memorial Day weekend brings the Class A Arabian Horse Show to the Ohio Expo Center. These beauties were our neighbors' contestants this year.

JUNE - Hay baling in Northeast Ohio

The Santa Maria (Replica)

JULY - Downtown Columbus, OH

Rising Tide - Treme Panel

AUGUST - Back in New Orleans for the launch of A Howling In The Wires and the fifth annual Rising Tide blogger conference. I moderated the Treme panel of Eric Overmyer, Becky Northcut, Dave Walker, Lolis Elie and Davis Rogan. The smell of Sardines In Louisiana Hot Sauce that Davis placed in my hand has still not washed off.

Old Town Ft. Collins

SEPTEMBER - Fort Collins, Colorado

Millennium Park

SEPTEMBER - Chicago for a weekend with Athenae (and her adorable ferret trifecta), Anne and Lisa. And a record number of photographs from the Art Institute.

Rally To Restore Sanity And/Or Fear

OCTOBER - The Dude at the Rally To Restore Sanity And/Or Fear in Washington, D.C. What point the rally made I do not know, but we had a blast wandering amongst our own on a beautiful day in the nation's capital.

Glendalough's Upper Lake

NOVEMBER - A wonderful week in and around Dublin, Ireland (as opposed to Dublin, Ohio) with Domingo and Mark. The 20+ pubs we hit were great, but what call me back are the hills and hiking trails of the beautiful glacier-carved Glendalough and its monastery. I have to return soon. Like tonight.

DECEMBER - Orlando, FL for the annual I/ITSEC conference. It was very nice to catch up with old friends and take pictures of domesticated hotel ducks without a) scaring them or b) falling in their pool.

Note: Thanks to geobloggers Silver Fox and GeoTripper for inspiring me to do this post. Check out their beautiful travel photographs, too.

Neil deGrasse Tyson In Cleveland

We have arranged things so that almost no one understands science and technology. This is a prescription for disaster. We might get away with it for a while, but sooner or later this combustible mixture of ignorance and power is going to blow up in our faces.”
–Carl Sagan

Your wish is my command, dear readers. You asked for a post on seeing Neil Tyson speak and you get it.

For those of you who don’t know Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson (shame on you), he is an astronomer, director of New York City’s Hayden Planetarium, author and, most importantly, educator and champion of science literacy. Back in September, D and I attended one of his lectures at the beautiful Playhouse Square Theatre in downtown Cleveland.

Adventures in Science Literacy: A Cosmic Perspective was the title of the lecture. “Or adventures in science illiteracy,” as Tyson began the evening.

"Say it with me: Biiiilllllllliiiioooooonnnnns."

Who is a scientist?

Tyson describes this person as “one who is aware of the way things work, fluent in math and empowers ideas, behavior and survival.” As he said on Lab Out Loud:

The most important feature [of the science-literate] is an outlook that you bring with you in your daily walk through life. It’s a lens through which you look that affects how you see the world. And the science literacy that can be promoted along those lines shows up in a lot of ways …  So science literacy is not the know-it-all who’s fluent in science jargon; science literacy is the person who knows how to question the world around them, and en route to an answer that’s deeper than you would otherwise get.

While a well-educated scientist or science-literate is preferred, note that nowhere does this description say anything about the stereotypical haughty, liberal nerd in glasses, lab coat and ivory tower. But also note that Tyson and some other scientists in the media like him got here through their knowledge and willingness to impart that knowledge.

There was then a series of interesting tidbits including one on the visualization of the periodic table: by atomic number, by melting point, by nation of discovery and the fact that, even by the mid-1800s, half of the current table remained to be discovered. I remember momentarily entertaining some rather profound thoughts on science philosophy (more or less continuous through time) versus science methodology (discontinuous; dependent on available inventions of the time) and promptly losing them to the lecture. So it goes.

The rest of Tyson’s talk related to the impact of science illiteracy on formerly exceptional nations and societies. Ahem. Yes, he’s talking to us, America.

[A valid question at this point is whether America is indeed growing in the direction of science illiteracy and the accompanying decline of rational empire. Yes, on religious and secular fronts. A note on the latter, which Tyson doesn't really get into here: While there are a lot more domestic and foreign scientists working in American academia, government and industry than at the height of the atomic age, I refer back to the Sagan quote at the beginning of this post and point out that there is a growing divide between those who understand and develop science and technology and those who don't. And both sides aided this uncommunicative over-specialization - scientists were all "Back off, I'm a scientist" while laypeople said, "Get in the lab and prolong my now comfortable-consumer lifestyle." The compartmentalization and commodification of science superposed a culture of science. With that, back to Tyson.]

“America is sliding into scientific insignificance because of religious dogma.”

We have always been a religious nation, but the attack on science by religious fundamentalists in the United States worries Tyson, and rightfully so, because it is taking its toll on our economic viability going forward. (According to the World Economic Forum, the US ranks 52 out of 139 nations in quality of university math and science instruction. In 2010.)

Tyson points to the Arab-Muslim world as a stark example of the impact of religious dogma (not religion itself, mind you) and where such prevailing thought has led the region: oppressive socio-economic conditions outside the super-oil-rich states, the mistreatment of women and active schools and terrorist cells of religious extremism in every country. All of this, according to Tyson, was the fault of one late-11th-early-12th-century philosopher named Ghazali who is reported to have single-handedly moved Islamic thought from the realms of theology and Aristotelian inquiry to faith and faith alone. Reading more about him, I am less inclined to look on Ghazali as the Augustine of Hippo of his time and vilify him alone for the decline of rational Islam. Also, hailing from a culture that created and practised rational knowledge systems that predate the west’s by, oh, a few millennia, I allow fully for many different means of and reasons for knowing. (Epistemology through the ages FTW.) However, underlying what can be termed science, be it western Aristotelian or eastern Vedic, is empiricism, i.e. observation, inquiry and measurement, and never faith in any dose.

Times of social, political and economic stability and growth are good for science and progress, which in turn create more years of stability and growth. Of course, this feedback loop has a tragically negative corollary. We tend to circle the wagons, get more conservative and view any change with suspicion in the face of real and perceived threats. So, it’s a pity that the invading Crusaders and Mongols turned the volume up on existing Muslim fundamentalists, which hasn’t let up to this day, given continuous instability in the region since the Middle Ages.

The greater pity is that Europe and the West would never have seen science as we know it had Arabs not translated Aristotle’s, Archimedes’s, Ptolemy’s, Euclid’s and countless other Greek scientists’ works and kept them alive in the Islamic Golden Age, as Tyson reminded us that night. Al Biruni, Ibn Sina (Avicenna), Ibn Rushd (Averroes) – I remember reading about these men and buildings in Kuwait named after them. And it makes me sad.

“Katrina did not cause the disaster in New Orleans. Faulty levees did. What country do we live in?”

Just like that, Tyson connected it all back to America and bridged two of my worlds with those very words.

He prefaced this statement with something along the lines of not allowing ourselves to be spoonfed news and views, but instead that knowledge of science helps us develop our own ways to question the prevailing narrative and check if it makes sense. To borrow a similar sentiment from another of his lectures, “I don’t require that you understand the geological crystalline structure of quartz. What I would like you to have is a way for you to [ask and] answer questions about that.”

[Placeholder for some interesting stuff he said on American growth and decline that fell out of my head, but will jump right back in when I stop thinking about it.]

Naturally, some parents in the audience had the obvious question, “How do I get my kids interested in science?”

Tyson’s answer: “Get out of the way! And get out of the way as a minimum. As a maximum, further stimulate curiosity by surrounding kids with things that they can explore on their own.”

Neil deGrasse Tyson In Cleveland

As is the case with any speaker who wants to be invited back, Neil Tyson ended on a hopeful note. “Rational thought will prevail over superstitious thought.” He reminded us that “we have more scientific television programming than ever before” (note to self: put Big Bang Theory in Netflix queue) and that religion can work with science, an attempt at reconciliation that didn’t sit well with half the audience, but one that I understand having grown up in a very Hindu but very scientific family. Can we get to that place in America? I sure hope so. It’s that or certain collapse. Can modern America lend itself to such synthesis and movement? I don’t know.

What do you think? If you have or haven’t seen and listened to Tyson in person, I’d like to hear your comments.

Krish Ashok Does The Creation Museum

One of my peeps, as in snarky, Tanglish*-speaking person of Madras** origin, tires of Cincinnati and visits the Creation Museum. It’s great stuff, so please head to his blog and read it all.

This paragraph, in particular, cracked me up because of its conclusion.

Cincinnati is a large city with levels of urban excitement that slightly exceed that of a doped bear in hibernation. So when I found myself staring at a 2 week long stay, I was worried about what I would do in my leisure time. That was when my colleague Harish … pointed out that the Creation Museum was just a few miles from downtown Cincinnati, my religious (and blogging) instincts fired up and we found ourselves at 2800, Bullitsburg Church road, Petersburg, Kentucky on a Sunday afternoon. Kentucky is filled with places that end in “burg” and for some reason it reminded me of whiskey and hooded white men wielding torches that burned crosses, so we decided to play it safe. I became Christopher (“Chris”) Asher and my friend, Harish Ravindran became (as a result of his undying fanboyism) Harris Jeyaraj. I even told him that he could explain his last name to evangelical Christians as “Victory of the Kingdom of God” or something to that effect.

… I am always disappointed when my precisely nurtured stereotypes fail to come true.

Such cross-cultural exploration has distinct advantages. Like repeatedly reminding us that the more humans are different the more we are the same, superstition is not the specialty of a single group of people, we are all whackjobs so it’s a miracle humanity has done anything constructive, etc.

… Now, lifetime members are a different species altogether. They pay $495 and are people who seriously believe that (barring the engineering that built the museum itself) science is generally bad and that (a specific English version of ) the Bible is literally true. But then I have met VHP-RSS type uncles in Chennai who believe that India had the Pushpaka Vimaana thousands of years before the Wright brothers. And people drop jewellery into the Hundi at Tirupati, so to each his own I guess.

Not to mention the creation of happy-making neologisms such as Wyoming Tyranoswareshwara Iyer and the Vadivel Theory of the Origin of Man.

* Tamil-English. Think Tex-Mex, but funnier. Also, snarky Madrasi is a redundancy.
** I refuse to call it Chennai.

I Saw This

WTF

Ok WHAT. I must be completely out of touch with youth pop culture of the times because I haven’t the slightest clue what a Pop ‘n’ Drop is. I must be getting old, too, because neither do I want to know what it is, nor are my nieces allowed anywhere near it. (Give me a break, it’s hard enough to tear them away from the insidious spell of Twilight and Real Housewhores).

Bail Agent & Limo Driver All In One

Taller, more bedraggled version of Zach Galifianakis (if that’s possible) is picked up at the Canton-Akron airport by a Browns-jersey-wearing lady driving this limo and whisked off to the Hall of Fame game. Then again, hiring a limo driver who is also a bail agent is probably a good general rule of thumb.

Brett, I Mean, LeBron

The loss of LeBron James to the Miami Heat will hit cash-strapped Cleveland in the wallet, no doubt about it. But, it will hurt Akron, where James is from and more than a star attraction, the most. It’s a pretty tight-knit Catholic-school sports community up there and they’re losing their hometown kid who stayed.

Each post and tweet on the topic has given me Brett Favre Deja Whiplash something awful. LeBron owes Cleveland nothing – Big Sports is a cold hard business after all, well it is when franchises fire players as opposed to when they’re dumped – but The Ego of The Decision. Why do so-called professionals and their handlers have to be such divas about it and not just Quietly Go like grown ass men?

To my family: Big Group Hug. We’ll always have Repeat The Three-Peat.

Gotta go put my neck brace on. Ow.